Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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