I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
