So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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