Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
operation harelip BJ is a go
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
