Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
The uberlube is also flammable
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
