I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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