My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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