You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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