i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
