her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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