God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
