Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
