Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
