There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
