just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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