I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
