and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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