just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
