I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
