he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Last time i carry you out of a forest
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
