Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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