just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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