I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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