these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
operation harelip BJ is a go
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Randomize
