5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
we should paint friendship bongs
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