maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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