I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
