drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
