just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
