Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
