I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
