ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
