I accidentally burped into my bong.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
