I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
