sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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