i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
