I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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