I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
