I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
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He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
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Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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