I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
