Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
