And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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