never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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