So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
it was like eating out sand paper
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
