You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
