Texts From Last Night

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  (818): View more from California

  I regularly think about how cool your nickname is

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  (818): I regularly think about how cool your nickname is http://tfl.nu/glb5
  Replies (3) Good night (2194) Bad night (1298)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him

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  (281): I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him http://tfl.nu/1o2o
  Replies (2) Good night (1200) Bad night (643)
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.

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  (506): Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites. http://tfl.nu/r5fj
  Replies (19) Good night (3185) Bad night (811)
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  (585): View more from New York

  we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.

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  (585): we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things. http://tfl.nu/92xs
  Replies (43) Good night (3310) Bad night (774)
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  (718): View more from New York

  I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.

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  (718): I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide. http://tfl.nu/8m3e
  Replies (6) Good night (4469) Bad night (749)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl

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  (208): Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl http://tfl.nu/2pl6
  Replies (7) Good night (749) Bad night (3801)
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  (575): View more from New Mexico

  How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.

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  (575): How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows. http://tfl.nu/n4qx
  Replies (26) Good night (1678) Bad night (3932)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds

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  (817): despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds http://tfl.nu/p6zs
  Replies (29) Good night (996) Bad night (3684)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.

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  (609): We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar. http://tfl.nu/d2sa
  Replies (5) Good night (3102) Bad night (796)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell

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  (601): answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell http://tfl.nu/66yz
  Replies (3) Good night (2010) Bad night (1346)
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  (925): View more from California

  At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way

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  (925): At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way http://tfl.nu/fo4u
  Replies (5) Good night (776) Bad night (1890)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.

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  (850): I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in. http://tfl.nu/gea0
  Replies (4) Good night (745) Bad night (1500)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum

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  (781): My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum http://tfl.nu/wc4p
  Replies (5) Good night (643) Bad night (1613)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..

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  (919): I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number.. http://tfl.nu/y7re
  Replies (8) Good night (1286) Bad night (832)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??

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  (+44): My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts?? http://tfl.nu/jz5d
  Replies (2) Good night (1488) Bad night (484)

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