Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN