I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was