Texts From Last Night

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  (845): View more from New York

  when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.

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  (845): when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me. http://tfl.nu/56i6
  Replies (2) Good night (571) Bad night (3008)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.

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  (304): My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol. http://tfl.nu/mk68
  Replies (7) Good night (2930) Bad night (629)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.

  (347): View more from New York

  I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.

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  (917): Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement. (347): I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy. http://tfl.nu/2bcu
  Replies (14) Good night (1113) Bad night (4829)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?

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  (401): I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple? http://tfl.nu/ri0o
  Replies (2) Good night (1933) Bad night (1358)
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  (239): View more from Florida

  gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.

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  (239): gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me. http://tfl.nu/wt0v
  Replies (9) Good night (1976) Bad night (3417)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here

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  (519): i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here http://tfl.nu/yje7
  Replies (7) Good night (2520) Bad night (866)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.

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  (902): The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes. http://tfl.nu/ae5m
  Replies (3) Good night (2048) Bad night (752)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...

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  (903): I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair... http://tfl.nu/9cft
  Replies (17) Good night (979) Bad night (1996)
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  (441): View more from Bermuda-Carib

  You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.

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  (441): You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only. http://tfl.nu/b5c7
  Replies (2) Good night (1754) Bad night (784)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.

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  (512): I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas. http://tfl.nu/ufwf
  Replies (27) Good night (3958) Bad night (581)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.

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  (305): You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos. http://tfl.nu/9yd3
  Replies (5) Good night (595) Bad night (1249)
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  (661): View more from California

  How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.

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  (661): How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents. http://tfl.nu/nsw6
  Replies (17) Good night (541) Bad night (1187)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED

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  (586): I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED http://tfl.nu/w9fp
  Replies (10) Good night (777) Bad night (341)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.

  (817): View more from Texas

  So yeah he had good weed?

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  (817): I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft. (817): So yeah he had good weed? http://tfl.nu/m1w9
  Replies (4) Good night (752) Bad night (396)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.

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  (727): She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit. http://tfl.nu/846j
  Replies (9) Good night (213) Bad night (921)

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