thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
don't judge my taste in strippers
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
