I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.