I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
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Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
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I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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