I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
