I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Non-Jews are for practice
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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