I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
