I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Everything about him screamed your future.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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