Your favorite bartender is back from prision
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
