You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
