Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
50% drunk capacity currently
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
