she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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