Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
you had me at cake vodka
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when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
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I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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