i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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