Capitaan dildo arrescate!
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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