So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
