Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
