They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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