I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
