grandma shit on top of the toilet
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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