Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
