Quick, to the slutcave!
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
