Screwed.edu
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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