There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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