listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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