meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
