I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
