my soul wont recognize me after tonight
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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