And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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