My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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