dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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